Jacob turns 30!
Friday was Jacob’s birthday – he turned 30! Our celebrations that day rounded off a particularly busy week, and I was so happy to sink into a seat opposite him with a glass of cold beer and the guarantee of enlivening conversation.
In typical ‘me’ fashion, I’d created a list of questions to ask him that would prompt reflection over the last decade. We only made it halfway through the first question; our conversation twisted and turned, delving into rabbit holes of yesteryear. As we sipped our beers in Garage Project, a local taproom, I asked him to reflect on a memory from each year since he turned 20.
We finished our drinks and made our way next door to the beautiful Rita for dinner, our conversation halting only to greet the owner and order our food and drinks. As we sailed our way through university days in mouldy accommodation, meeting during our year in Toronto, long summer days of studying for final exams, starting adult life in London, moving in together and grappling with the tumultuous early months of a new relationship, I was moved by how much we’d grown, together and separately.
Back in 2015, my sense of self was a mere seed in the ground, awaiting the conditions that promised fertility. I was dragged this way and that by the predictable and unpredictable grenades of life – my dad’s illness and surgery, the uncertainty of a new relationship, the gaping nothingness of post-graduation life, a suddenly-gained new job, the cutting short of what was meant to be a long summer spent travelling Europe. Without the stable roots of strong self-trust, I struggled, and understandably so. While I don’t believe we need to glide across life’s bumps with a constant grin on our faces, the challenges we face need not totally knock us down. In the past five years, the roots of self-trust have crept down into the fertile soil, nurtured by true unconditional love, a sense of curiosity, determination and daily joy.
After our meal, we wandered through the muggy streets of early summer and stumbled across a young band busking on the corner, their jazzy tunes adding colour and effervescence to the streets and flowing into the passing people. It is always these nights that where we wander unplanned that the most beautiful discoveries await us. Doesn’t that teach us everything we need to know about life?
In some kind of poetic way, that brings me neatly to where I am now as teeter on the edge of joining my partner in the fourth decade of life. One thing is for sure; uncertainty does not leave us. Sure, some things become clearer. But we can never guarantee, no matter how much we plan and save and feel buoyed up by our spreadsheets and lists. Uncertainty is what we must live with. With curiosity and daily joy, we can live more in the now while opening and softening to the questions of tomorrow.