Reflections on the Self

This is a short one today. It’s one of those weeks/times where I feel completely frantic. On top of working full-time and studying part-time, my partner is also studying for two engineering chartership accreditations. We very much have to schedule our rest, time together, and each moment of our week, otherwise it falls apart and we have no dinner. It’s that sort of time!

What’s been on my mind the past few weeks has been this idea of the ‘self’ (often with a capital S, to distinguish from use in everyday conversation). I am really drawn to this concept and it arises in many different therapeutic modalities and spiritual and religious contexts.

The Self is the part of us that is separate from our whirring thoughts, emotions, bad habits, judgements, fear and even happiness. The Self is the part of us that is wise, loving and can bear witness to what is going on in our minds that may cause us distress. It is the part that feels separate, the part that, in mindfulness practice, can stay with the rising and falling of feelings and sensations and thoughts.

The other parts of ourself often step in before the Self has had a chance to take the reins. For example, when we get a headache and we think ‘I must have a brain tumour!’ or we have an awkward social interaction and think ‘That person must think I’m so weird!’, parts of ourself like fear and judgement are at the ‘head of the table’, as Sheryl Paul says. When we are able to see with clear eyes that those things may not be true and that if they are, we’ll be okay, that’s our Self stepping in. This is similar to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) where our Transcendent Self accepts and witnesses what arises in our minds. After listening to a podcast with Richard Schwartz, founder of Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy, I realised that this concept is everywhere, and it’s so powerful.

In IFS, when we are panicking in fear mode or reacting defensively to what someone has said to us, our Self has enmeshed with those parts of us and is under their spell. We are seeing the world through the eyes of that part (there is much more to this in IFS!). However, when we can unlink the two, our Self is able to see clearly and realistically.

I love this because it’s a reminder that we have this loving, clear-seeing Self inside us at all times. Once we know that, we can start to tap into that part of ourselves with practice. Think of it like a little island of calm in the sea of ever-changing feelings and thoughts that our brain delivers to us!